Gamtav- Evaluation
by Pianofingers.jpeg
Summary: It's pretty hard loving someone within a corrupt mind and soul. Ratings may go up This fic is a vent fic you have been warned, but I'd like to think it was pretty well written
1. Question

**Taken from my wattpad**

Tavros groaned a little, dark hair slipping in front of his eyes. The air was crisp and cold, smelling of bittersweet alcohol and weed. Although, it always smelled like that. It was even something that he happened to find nice about the place. But as he lay on the hard cement, it had taken a sharper, colder turn.  
Everything _hurt._  
A few labored breaths slipped out of aching lungs as the brunette continued to lay down, finally giving up trying to move from his spot. She had finally done it. He'd loved her, adored her and all she had done in his life was spit in his face, but know she had really gone and killed him, just liked she said she would all those times.  
To put it in the smallest amount of words, he truly felt pathetic. A sob escaped as he clenched his fist, burying a bloody and bruised fave in the crook of an equally wounded arm.  
"I tried." Is all he could manage to say, mood worsening and body wracking with hurt, both emotional and physical. "Maybe, maybe I could call for help..." He thought to himself, eyes blurring a little bit more causing him to sniffle.  
Carefully, he pulled a small phone from the picket of his jeans, the bright white screen illuminating the dark place he was left in. Carefully he opened up his contacts, suddenly feeling a wave of sadness hit him.  
Who would even bother? And why? He was just a kid who tried so hard to make friends, to only end up being beaten and cursed in the end. No one was there. No one cared.  
Unless,  
Gamzee still cared.  
He thought on it a moment before scrolling down to his contact and calling him up, not knowing how he was going to explain his situation or why he was calling him at two in the morning. After he let it ring a few times, a groggy sounding Gamzee picked up.  
"Sup?"  
Tavros sighed a breath of relief at his voice, before wincing at a pain in his ribs.  
"Hey, Gamzee I uh, I need your help man." He stuttered out, pressing a hand to his side in an attempt to keep himself from crying out.  
"What're'ya needing help with" Gamzee said in a louder tone, still sounding quite asleep.  
"I got in a fight and I uh, need you to come pick me up." Tavros responded. The other line went silent for a few seconds, making the brunette hold his breath in nervousness. "I uh, I know it's late and I shouldn't have-"  
"No it's chill bro, but where the fuck are you." He sounded a lot more awake now, a subtle tone of worrying laced into slow words.  
"Remember that uh, alley me and you and Vris use to hang out in all the time? That one." Tab responded, laying his head down on the ground and his phone next to him.  
"I'll be there in ten minutes don't you fucking move." With that, Gamzee hung up, the beaten up male's phone suddenly going dark, leaving him in pitch black once again.  
Tavros shifted dead legs and tried to bring his upper half up, before settling to lay down on his back. The blood that had smeared on the dirty flooring was sticking to him now, drying and cracking on his skin. It utterly disgusted Tavros, but at the moment he couldn't find a way to make it any less bearable. Soon enough he lifted on arm to cover his eyes, squeezing them shut as fresh, hot tears started to roll down his face. Maybe Karkat would come to, tell him how much of a fucking idiot he was, how much he should've more careful. Actually worry about him, and maybe he wouldn't feel as bad as he should when Karkat is being an ass.  
Tires screeched to a halt, sending gravel flying a little of the end he of the road as a truck door was ripped open, then slammed shut.  
The light were left on, blinding the crumpled pile of a boy laying on the dirty ground.  
"Tavbro?" Gamzee called out, looking down at the shell of a man sprawled out.  
"Hey Gamz." Tavros choked out in a raspy voice, trying his best to smile at his friend. Gamzee sighed slightly, two arms going to pick up the brunette as he tried to hold on.  
"Who the motherfuck did you piss off?" Gamzee asked, walking back to his truck and setting him down in the passenger seat.  
"Vriska." Tavros said in a bitter tone, arms wrapping around himself. The taller sighed again, starting the engine and heading back to his house.  
"Don't worry bro me and Karbro are gonna help you out then you can all up and motherfuckin heal."

·

The next day began to go much smoother than the prior, with minor bumps in the metophorical road. Unfortunately Tavros wheelchair wasn't at Gamzee's house, nor did he have an emergency one there. Because of this Gamzee had to help him out most of the time when getting from place to place. It was now a very slow afternoon, the juggalo making sandwiches for lunch and Tavros setting the table from his spot.  
The brunette smiled over at Gamzee before fixing his sitting position and pulling out Gamzee's chair.  
They ate in silence for the most part, before Tavros leaned over to kiss him on the cheek quickly, smiling still.  
"Thank you uh, so much for everything. You're really my best friend." Be explained, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Gamzee smiled back before leaning over and swiftly pecking his lips.  
"Any time." Tavros' face began to flush before they hugged, one platonically and one more romantically. He laughed slightly.  
"What was that for?" He asked, looking up at Gamzee.  
"A reason." He responded, a hand going to brush a stray hair out of Tav's face.  
"Will you tell me one day?"

"You better believe it Tavvy..


	2. Hypothesis

p data-p-id="60ed9d30148aa1666ec3d269542ac948"The silence wasn't ever uncomfortable or awkward for the two best friends. Even when Karkat stood with them or they simply all three lied themselves out of the couch to watch on of Karkat's movies. It was never unsatisfying. br /As of right now, it was even welcomed. Today was Saturday, a week after Tavros' incident and the few confusing words that were exchanged in a small kitchen. br /The brunette had thought an awful lot about what was said that next day, his mind playing into surreal scenarios. br /Gamzee didn't like boys. Gamzee liked girls. br /Tav knew this, as he's always known this. And he himself didn't really spend much time thinking about his sexuality, just knowing he liked Vriska, up until recent events. br /Okay, so maybe he liked boys just a little bit. But it was 2016, its not a big deal to like boys and girls, now is it? br /While the smaller began to become lost in thought once again, Gamzee had lost interest in the generic comedy show they had begun watching before placing a hand on his shoulder. br /"You okay Tavbro?" He sounded a bit raspy, like he was fighting up gravel every time he spoke. The Taurus snapped out of though with a, "hm?" Before nodding, laughing awkwardly. br /"Yeah I'm uh, fine. Just thinking about stuff." He retorted, looking down to where he was fiddling with the hem of his shorts. br /"What kinda stuff?" Gamzee prodded, shifting to lift a leg onto the couch. Tavros shrugged slightly, before huffing. br /"Just trying to sort my thought uh, out a little bit I guess. I'm not really think about anything um, in particular, just letting my mind wander." He explained with a hand tapping on his chin. Gamzee nodded in understanding, turning back to the television before Tavros looked over at him again, a surge of confidence going through him. Carefully he scooted of quietly, to not alert Gamzee and placed his head on the others shoulder. br /There is absolutely nothing romantic about this. Friends do this all the time. Right? br /At least he thought so, as Gamzee didn't even seem to notice. br / He looked over at the clock tiredly, the digital numbers reading 2:37 AM. He sighed and turned back, the only light coming from the screen. br /"Gamzee I'm tired." He said bluntly, cheek pressed up against his arm as they locked eyes. The older just shot him that lazy smile before blinking, taking a moment to process. br /"Do you want some help to your bed or do you wanna crash on the couch?" He asked, turning almost fully and causing Tavros to sit up. This weekend they were at his house, being as Gamzee's had stairs and his kitchen was upstairs. br /"I think I'll just crash on the couch." He said plainly, waving a hand before scooting back to lean against the arm of the couch. Gamzee laughed softly, before taking a gentle hold on his arm, pulling him up and next to him. br /"Aren't you tired though?" Tavros asked, before laying his crossed arms down on Gamzee's lap and then his head, eyes closing almost immediately. It didn't strike at strange or uncommon for them to be doing this. Bros could be cool with this, right? Gamzee always was, so Tavros was to. br /"Nah, if need be I'll just use your bed after you fall asleep. It's no big deal man." Gamzee said, a hand going down to play with the longer hair strands in his Mohawk, and Tavros smiled before yawning, feeling a little bit more drowsy. br /Tavros and /Gamzee and /They were great friends, and it didn't feel uncomfortable when those kisses were a little to close to be platonic, or if one stared a little longer than usual. Everything was alright, everything was gold and nothing could ever make it any less. br /br /br /p  
p data-p-id="da436a163a58638df8301ea8ba1dbb53"strongI have been a little skeptical about continuing this, but it's rather late when I'm posting this, and the drabble is actually started to form some what of a plot I guess. /strong/p 


	3. Variables

p data-p-id="d8d669078d0ecb64ed981dc137211655"strongOkay they kiss in this one beware./strongbr /Maybe he wasn't straight. br /Maybe neither of them were. br /Besides, it wasn't too uncommon for someone to not be straight, right? Gamzee was his best friend, he should know things like this, shouldn't he? He didn't know. No one has ever been this close to him. br /Hey uh, Gamzee?" He said softly, tugging at the taller's shirt. br /The two had been sitting outside on his apartment's roof, staring up from their spot. It had taken a break from raining most of the day, leaving the world around them damp and cold, but they didn't exactly see it as the gloomy weather most did. br /It was alright. It was fitting. br /It had been a rather full moon, casting their surroundings in a bluish glow, illuminating everything in site. br /"Yeah Tavvy?" He said slowly, a joint in one hand as he sat up. The brunette rested his head on the other's shoulder, enjoying himself. br /"Are you high off your ass?" He asked back, the hand that had grabbed at him now going to to intertwine their /"You bet your sweet ass." He drawled out, the arm Tavros was leaning on going to wrap around his waist. Tav laughed softly, Gamzee blowing a bit of smoke up in the air before letting out a low chuckle. br /"You gonna remember any of this?" Tav murmured, before Gamzee passed him the blunt and he took it in a small hand, inhaling thick smoke before exhaling, leaving the air heavy and full. He began to giggle slightly, loving the way it seemed to swirl and twist in the clean /"Probably." He said, taking it back and taking a long drawl. "We should up and do this shit all the motherfuckin time, y'know?" Gamzee added, blowing some smoke over Tavros' head. They both laughed together, a big pile of giggly, goofy boys. br /"Awwww hell yeah." He replied, before looking up at him, smiling cheekily. Gamzee grinned and flicked the end of his nose, sending them both into fits of laughter. They began to calm down slowly, before Tavros' mind began to wander again, eyes glazing over. br /"Hey Gamz are we just friends?" He asked finally, still very close to him. The other pulled the two of them down to lay on the thin blanket he had brought, looking up at a starry and bright night sky. Gamzee stayed quiet, taking a few puffs before setting his bud down. br /"We are whatever the motherfuck you wanna be brother." The ravenette replied hoarsely, arm still wrapped around his waist. Tavros felt a little torn at this, not really sure whether to feel rejected or to feel accepted. Maybe both. He roll rd onto him, head lying on his chest and arms sprawled out before letting out a confused sigh. Gamzee just chuckled dryly, hand moving to the small of his back to rub circles. br /"We gonna sleep up here?" Tavros mumbled, feeling a little drowsy himself. The other simply nodded, before agreeing with what sounded like a rumbly, "Mhm." The Latino smiled at this, closing his eyes and hugging onto him. He was still unsure of where he stood in this world, and what he was to Amber, let alone Gamzee to him, but he wasn't going to let that kill his buzz. br /It got quiet, just Tav listening to the slow and uneven breaths Gamzee took, and an occasional frog croak before the other started to shift, sitting up but still keeping him close and arms still holding on. br /"You ever like, fuckin' kiss someone before? No homo man just all up in askin' ya." Gamzee shrugged as he said this, and Tavros shook his head before yawning, feeling rather tired, but not wanting to sleep. br /Gam nodded back before taking a hold of his chin and pressing a gentle kiss before pulling back, the metal in his mouth clinking together slightly. br /The brunette's eyes were wide for a few seconds before he blinked rapidly, peeling himself off the other and back to sitting. br /"Should I have kissed back?" He said audibly confused, looking at the juggalo. He shrugged, before putting a lazy hand on Tav's shoulder. br /"Wanna try again?" br /"Yeah I guess." Tavros shrugged, leaning in shakily until they were close. God, why was this so hard? Gamzee had made it look so easy and fluid but with him he looked so... awkward. Were all first kisses this awkward? Maybe he should apologize, he wasn't good at this at all. br /At this point he was shaking, and his breath came out in quivering sweeps before the other put his hand on the other /"If you're uncomfortable with this, then we don't gotta up and do it, alright? I ain't gonna pressure you Tavbro." Gamzee mumbled before placing another quick kiss on his lips before laying down /"Thank you, Gamz I really, really appreciate it. I just kinda, lost the courage I'm so sorry."br /"No problem man, now get your fine ass down and cuddle with me." He said jokingly, opening up his arms before Tavros laughed happily, tucking himself under his arms. br /"Good way to spend a Sunday night." He sighed, inhaling the scent of alcohol, rain and weed. br /"Hey Tav?" The ravenette /"Yeah?"br /"Honk."br /He laughed, closing his eyes again. "Honk."/p 


	4. Procedure

It's Monday, and that can never be good. Mondays were never a particularly good day, whether it be the looming storm cloud bring ing an end to comfortable gold sun beams, or perhaps the ushering in of the daily grind, falling back into schedule.  
Weekends are strange like that. Like you can do what you want, when you want, because you have the freedom to do so. Fridays would always be the best day, usually because Tavros' friend Dave hosted a sick party every other Friday. After all, they were seniors in high school now. They all weren't kids anymore, and certainly didn't do things kids would do.  
It was Monday morning on a cloudy day in Washington. Mist and fog clung to the air creating the gloom and heaviness which was ever present. It was exactly 7:54 AM, six minutes before the late bell would ring for the first period.  
Gamzee Makara was a nineteen year old senior. John was too. Dave was seventeen, and Tavros had just turned eighteen.  
Everyone was growing up as time slipped by so fast, faster than John's father could a cake, faster than a bullet from an Englishman's gun piercing the heart of a fairy named Tink.  
"When will I see you again?" Ah yes, the familiar ring of his voice cracker broke the stiff morning air. Tavros wasn't a morning person by any means.  
Gamzee shrugged, arms covered by a purple,"Insane Clown Posse" hoodie he wore so often, the smell of his cologne mixing in with smoke. Gamzee was by no means, a morning person.  
On this day the two had their first fight, a small bickering because Vriska had the nerve to show her voice once again on school grounds, at the two as poor Tav shook helplessly.  
What would you expect? Surely not gaining the confidence to after confuse with a person as vile as she?  
"Are you going to skip classes again?" Tavros added, his voice soft and quiet as his forehead rested against the others chest, his arms looping around his waist.  
"Probably. Like I give a damn about my actual motherfuckin grades." He laughed a little as he said this, taking a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and a lighter from the other, handing Tavros the lighter.  
"Why are you giving me your lighter? I though you would need it." He asked, clutching it in his hand and looking up at him. Gamzee smiled half heartedly, chuckling dryly.  
"I ain't gonna put a cancer stick in my mouth in risk of up and hurting your pretty little lungs." The ravenette replied, sticking an unlit cigarette behind his ear before slipping the rest back in his pocket. It didn't really make sense, seeming how no one would be able to see through the mess he called his hair, mostly curls and tangles from tossing and turning. He must have not brushed his hair before leaving the house that morning, or really done much. Gamzee was wearing what looked like pajama bottoms and a band Tee, nothing much out of the ordinary. He lifted a hand to truffle Tavros' hair, still smiling in a glassy eyed way.  
He was so obviously stoned and depressed, but Tav didn't really know how to talk about it. Maybe comfort him? His gut began to tear itself from the inside, breath escaping him suddenly.  
"Hey Tavbro you chill?"  
"Yeah..." He spoke softly, going to wrap his arms around his waist as he buried his face further, not wanting to let go.  
"Can I come with you?" He mumbled, Gamzee's own arms sliding behind his waist. And back up to tangle nimble fingers in his hair.  
"No Tav you gotta go to class." He drawled, laying his chin down on Tavros' head. The bell rung, neither of them making a move. Realization hit him like a brick before he let go all together, face becoming red. Stumbling slightly on prosthetic limbs, Gamzee pulled him back to gently peck Tavros' lips, before both of them parted ways.  
So maybe Monday's weren't that bad.


	5. Expirement

p data-p-id="1a1b1435a6cddb0d2102d6322625cfb6""Your dad really is uh, okay with me coming over?" Tavros said softly, pulling on the older's jacket sleeve. Gamzee just nodded lazily, looking outside the window of the bus. The Juggalo didn't actually drive much, and perfect to take the bus home as the ride was a lot more calming. Gamzee had lived quite a bit out of town, and into the woods. Tav was a bit nervous on meeting Gamzee's dad, but he was also extremely excited. Gam hadn't told his father about them yet, so it was more of a hush hush thing between the two, and it wasn't like his dad was expecting him to bring home a /It hurt Tavros just a bit, but he was alright with it. br /The bus halted to a slow stop, the brakes screeching in protest as they both got up, the taller taking Tavros' hand and leading him down the aisle before the mentioned teen gave an awkward nod of thanks to the bus driver, who brushed it off nonchalantly. It was quiet, most likely for lack of things to say as they walked a little farther. The smaller didn't want to say anything wrong as the feeling of anxiety started to bubble in his stomach. It was like this every time they went out together. Tavros got shaky and mute, and almost acted like a child. Though, I wouldn't blame him. Being placed in an environment that you don't know can be quite terrifying, and seems to rattle him to the bone. br /But Gamzee was there. br /The Ravenette made him feel safer when he was out and about, and maybe that's why he's learned to depend on his friend so much. He just felt more at home, like he wasn't an intruder, walking in on everyone else's plans. Tavros did feel like a burden sometimes, but never when he was with the other. Gamzee has a habit of pointing out when he apologized for something he couldn't control, or telling the younger that he was not worthless, and that he valued him so much. But never an "I love you." br /Boys don't say I love /At least, most boys don't, or won't. Why has always been a question on his mind. Maybe they were just all afraid of being called soft for confessing feelings with such a verbal way. But they had no problem when it came to fuckin'. Oh no, most teenage boys will definitely be down for that kind of "loving". But honestly, it wasn't really loving in any way, just a heat. Just a lust for the devour of human contact, and skin so contrasting coming together. So maybe they were different. But maybe that's why Gamzee invited him over in the first place. He didn't really mind, as long as he could politely say no. br /The duo got up to the steps of a two story house, the garage bay closed and all the curtains drawn. It was a pretty nice house, just a standard white house, blue trimming and a shingle roof. The older dug around in his backpack before finding his set of keys, and jamming the specific key with a clown smiley face carved into it into the lock and opening the door to an empty house. So his father wasn't home yet. But his brother was most likely home, not that the two would hear anything from him. Gamzee's older brother Kurloz had taken a vow of silence in honor of a terrible accident involving his girlfriend. The said college student silent walked out of the kitchen as Gam put his bag on the stools underneath the kitchen island. The two brother waved before Kurloz signed,br /"Who's that?" He smiled briefly at the visitor, waving as Tavros waved back sheepishly, hand holding his other arm in the crook of his elbow. br /"That's Tavros, he's my best motherfuckin' friend." Gamzee replied, motioning to the said boy as Kurloz stepped forward and held out his hand. Tav took it gently and shook hands with the older, noticing something strange. He looked like he had piercings all around his mouth, all lining up perfectly. He let go of his hand, not wanted to be impolite and stare at the older brother. Kurloz turned back to the younger brother, pointing over at a note that their dad had left on the fridge for him when he had gotten home. Gamzee pulled it from under the magnet, scanning it briefly before putting it back. He leaned towards Tavros' ear and whispered,br /"My dad's coming home late tonight we gotta make dinner for ourselves and then it's just you and me."It was a simple statement enough and he smiled and nodded and mumbled a small, "Alright." before Gamzee took his hand and guided the two of them up the stairs and down a hallway, pushing open a door and letting go of his hand. br /Gamzee's room was nice. It was cleaner that he had expected it to be, but he did probably clean before he came over. Some alternative band posters were plastered on the wall, along with drawing and painting he had done, plus a small piece of notebook paper. Tavros shuffled quietly over to it, running a finger and smiling at an older memory. br /It was a drawing he had given Gamzee a few months ago during lunch period, a portrait he had done of Gamzee. It was a side view, Gam's curls dipping just in front of his beautiful eyes, which were closed, eyelashes seeming to kiss his skin. It was a bit fading now, the pencil smudge from sitting in his binder when he waited to give it to Gamzee. He had no idea Gam had liked it that much. br /"You put it on your wall?" Tavros asked turning around as the mention man smiled and walked over to him, wrapping loose arms around his shoulders and tugging him into an awkward back hug. The taller laid his lips on the back of his neck, smile still present. br /"Of course I did. It's a beautiful drawing by the most beautiful little bull I've ever seen." He murmured, making Tavros blush and hold up a hand to the arm around his neck. It was silent for a few heartbeats, just the two of them standing near a wall of beautiful art. It had taken him so long to even admit to himself that he could love his best friend, and even longer to accept it. br /"Gamzee I love you." Tavros said barely above a whisper as he heard a small laugh escape Gamzee's mouth, and he pressed kisses to the others neck /"I love you too, Tavros." br /So maybe boys can say I love you. /p 


End file.
